Lack is a Lie
Pause for a moment and notice your thoughts. Now ponder the general negative talk in your head. What types of thoughts do you think about yourself? Let me guess, your brain says that there is something wrong with you. Maybe it says you are not pretty enough, not smart enough, don’t have enough money, friends, or cool things. It tells you that your job, house or body are not “the best”. Possibly it hits further below the belt and says there must be something wrong with you because you don’t have a partner or children or that you are faulty because your struggle with your mental or physical health.
Our thoughts cause us so much pain; but remember they are just thoughts, not the truth. Now don’t get your dander up and argue with me;) I know if you really want to prove me wrong your mind will enter the discussion like a litigator with decades of “evidence” to prove us wrong. Yet again, these are just experiences interpreted by your brain, not the truth and quite possibly only a portion of the whole experience. When you remember that awful thing that happened, do you remember the sounds, smells and sensations that were around you? Maybe. Is it possible that you had or are going through a difficult time and your brain does not know any other way to process this except through a western (in most cases) societal lens that says you would be fine if you had more, looked like the “perfect” whatever it is we are supposed to look like, or fit the “right” mold of able bodied, cis, hetro, economically and educationally privileged white, young blah blah person?
No! Let me say it again for those in the back - hell NO. Sweet capitalism and its supporting systems want you to believe that you need something different so they may sell it to you, but that occurs at the cost of your heart, body and mind. I am not saying there isn’t anything redeeming about capitalism, but I am saying you have been sold a lie that you lack something to be worthy.
Right here, right now, you are brave, beautiful, loved and perfectly, uniquely you. The world needs you. You are worthy.
Now that pain you feel, you are not alone. We are witnessing you. Is it possible that maybe your mind developed some protective thought patterns that are now harming you? Or maybe you were little and experienced things a little one should not have felt but didn’t know how else to explain the bad things except, of course, it must be me. There must be something wrong with you, because you were too little to know that those adults were responsible or that awful bad things happen in the world, but it doesn’t mean you deserved it. At all. EVER.
This is why I am so passionate about my work because if you think I am separate from you, I am not. We are all in this together. Instead of comparing maybe we start sharing authentically and openly about tools that help. Here is one now:
Feeling Tough Stuff a New Way -fancy title I know, don’t steal it.
1-Identify that you are having a feeling. Take a deep breath.
2-Try your best not to push it away- this is hard so if it takes practice that’s normal FYI, but try to notice the sensation in your body (where is it, what is the image of this feeling, what does it feel like?)
3-Use that breath again (that breathing thing really helps us in many ways, including literally staying alive). Focus the breath on the sensation of the emotion. Breath into the feeling and as you breath out (through the mouth) imagine it is leaving your body. Visualize that or sense it leaving.
4- Repeat as many times as needed until the emotion subsides. Try, try, try to focus on sensation NOT the thoughts. The thoughts will suck you into the rabbit hole. Hey, it happens, but try to stay with the sensation, that’s where the change occurs.
I hope this helps. I would love to hear from you.